Momma, My Hero

I had no idea what to title this post. I have so many emotions.   Heart broken, relieved, confused, sad, happy.  I could go on and on.  No matter how I feel, I know my precious Momma is celebrating in Heaven knowing that she is no longer fighting, but has instead won her battle. 

My beautiful Momma passed away on Tuesday, July 24th about 4:50 PM.  I have never experienced anything more painful as I did that day.  From the moment I walked into her room around 11:30 that morning, I knew that was going to be the day.  She had told us and her doctors that she was tired, really tired, the day before.  If you knew my momma, you know that wasn’t really something she said.  She never really complained.  She was a fighter to the very end.  She had continued to put on more fluid each day.  The right side of her heart was not functioning properly, therefore effecting her kidneys.  By Tuesday, she was up about 60 pounds from her normal weight.  She was very congested Tuesday and the sound she made when she was breathing  is something I never want to hear again.  She was placed on morphine on Tuesday afternoon to keep her from struggling (or knowing she was struggling) to breathe.  In the last hour, I have to be honest,  I couldn’t wait for it to be over.  To see your Momma like that.  There just are not many words to describe it. 

I am so thankful that we could all be there in her final moments.   Although, Robin did miss her by about 15 minutes.  But, I am thinking it was for the best.  The good Lord was not ready for her a few weeks ago when she coded.  It gave us all time to say our goodbyes.  For her to love on her grandbabies.  For her to visit with her best friends.  For her to share some of her final thoughts.  For her to witness her Daddy’s funeral by Skype.  There are many blessing that came in the last two weeks.

She had a beautiful service on Friday.  It was perfect.   The scripture was perfect.  Songs were perfect.  Flowers were abundant and beautiful.  A special slide show Bubba made that was full of precious memories.  So many wonderful family and friends there to celebrate her life.  Thank you to all of you who were able to be there with us. 

Sunday was a hard day for me.  Being back in church where her funeral was held brought back a flood of emotions.  Today, I caught myself grabbing my cell phone to call her.  Just to chat.  Subconsciously I guess.  Just a habit to talk to her every day.   She was one my very best friends and my biggest cheerleader.  I know it is going to take time.  A lot of time. 

The last week. Reliving the details. (Mom Update 7-14-12)

The last week has been HELL.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  I know it could be a lot worse, but it has been a pretty rough week.  I think it is all hitting me now.  I have tried pretty hard to keep it all together.  Emotionally and physically.  We have had to have a lot of serious conversations this week.   There have been so many people praying for our family and I know God has had his hands wrapped around us this week. 

So, I thought I would just give a recap of the last week.  Just in case you want to know how we got to where we are today. 

Over the last few weeks, Mom’s condition seemed to be worsening.  Her edema was BAD.  She had put on about 20 pounds.  She was having a hard time getting around and was spending her entire days in the bed.  She was so weak.  She had pretty much quit taking medicine and had quite the foggy brain.  Last Thursday, she fell twice.  Once in the bathroom hitting her head on the corner of the wall by the shower in the extra bathroom.  And the other in her bedroom behind her bedroom door making it very difficult for anyone to get in there to her.  The second time was in the middle of the night and I am not sure how long she was there before Robin discovered her.  I think she might have broken her toe this time.  It definitely looks broken.   I am so thankful she hasn’t broken something a lot worse!

Friday morning we decided she needed to go to the hospital.  So, we called the ambulance to come and transport her to Greenville.  Friday was spent getting her through the ER, started on IV diuretics, and into an “observation” room as they called it.  Dad came home that evening thinking she was doing ok.  Well, about 1:00 AM that night (Saturday morning), he got a phone call from the hospital stating that Mom had taken a turn for the worse and he probably needed to come up there.  Robin and I followed suit.  When we got there they shared that Mom had “coded” and they had to do a lot of suction, medicines, and intubation to get her back.  They actually think she aspirated which led to the code.  Her kidneys had pretty much shut down at that point as well.  Even with the diuretics, she was not producing urine.  So, when we spoke with the doctors/nurses, they were pretty grim with not a lot of hope.  

When we got into ICU to see her, she was fighting the tube but they quickly sedated her and she slept for most of the next two days.  Her blood pressure was low, heart rate was low, and she was not breathing any on her own.  We were pretty scared.  But, her kidneys seemed to kick back into gear and start working some. 

Also, on Friday my aunt had my granddaddy (who lived in Las Vegas) transported to the hospital.  He was persistent to go ahead and attend a ball game the night before but woke up Friday morning not being able to move.  He was not feeling real well the days before that.  Anyway, they ended up treating him for a heat stroke/dehydration on Friday and sending him home that evening.  Saturday morning he was not doing well and not keeping anything down, so she had the ambulance take him back to the hospital.  (Same day Mom coded.)

Also, on Saturday, Jeff and I were returning from lunch to go back to the hospital to see Mom when Jeff’s mom called (who had Hayden) saying that Jeff’s daddy was being transported to the hospital because he passed out.  Jeff drove to Tyler to be with his Daddy.  Later we figure out Don had a “life threatening” irregular heartbeat and ended up having a pacemaker put in on Monday.  Praise the Lord he is doing better!

Granddaddy continues to worsen Sunday and Monday and is becoming quite swollen and possibly over-hydrated.  He was having delirious thoughts, breathing became strange, and just wasn’t with it. 

Monday, Mom’s life support tube was removed and we weren’t real positive what the outcome was going to be.   We were trying to prepare ourselves for the worst but praying for the best.  Her stats continued to stay low all day.  Blood pressure, heart rate, and MAP (kidney functions directly related to blood pressure).  But, she was breathing well on her own and starting to talk to us and wanting to know what happened to her.  She asked several times what happened to her and we continued to tell her throughout that day.  She doesn’t remember anything from several days before.

That night, we got the call from Aunt Kathy that my Granddaddy (Mom’s Dad) had taken his last breaths.  So hard.  But, thankfully, he went quickly and without pain.  

Tuesday, Don came home from the hospital, Mom continued to improve, and Aunt Kathy was working on getting Granddaddy back to Texas.  We did not share the news about Granddaddy with Mom at this point. 

Aunt Kathy got in during the wee hours Wednesday morning and then came to the hospital and that is when we shared the news about Granddaddy with Mom.   It was hard but Mom did as well as could be expected.  Or, maybe even better.  She had a lot to take in that day.  She had to make her own DNR decisions now that she was aware of what was going on and take in the news of loosing her Daddy.   She was moved out of ICU into a room on the telemetry floor so they could continue to monitor her closely. 

Wednesday afternoon, Aunt Kathy, Bubba, and I went to Ft. Worth to finalize the arrangements for Granddaddy.

Thursday, Mom had a pretty good day.  This might have been her best day yet.  Friday, her swelling started getting worse again and remains that way today.  They are riding on a fine line trying to keep her kidneys and heart functioning with the diuretic medicines they are giving her.  But, her Creatinine levels are starting to go back up (3.0 this AM) which means her kidneys are not functioning like they should.  They told us that if her blood pressure stayed low then her kidneys would start to loose function (related to that MAP number I was telling you about earlier).  But her BP has actually been higher the last few days.  

The doctor told her a couple of days ago that if she could walk a few steps that he would give her a furlough and allow her to attend Granddaddy’s funeral on Monday.  But, today the doctor came in and said that at this point, she would not be able to go.  This BREAKS. MY. HEART.  We are trying to figure out a way to Skype if we can. 

Granddaddy’s visitation is tomorrow. (Mine and Jeff’s birthday). Then, his funeral is at 11:30 Monday and his burial will be at 2:30 at the DFW National Cemetery.

Thankfully, Jeff has an understanding job and was able to take off  of work to be with his family, my family, and Hayden throughout this week. 

I of course want to ask you to pray.  But, where do I begin when asking you to pray?  I feel so selfish asking for so many prayers.  Pray for peace.  Pray for comfort.  Pray for strength.  Pray for mom’s swelling to go down.  Pray for her emotions through the next few days as she is not able to attend the funeral.  Pray for the doctors.  Pray for safe travel.  I don’t know.  Just pray for our family as we continue to stay strong for Mom.  Pray for God’s will to be done in all things…

I heard this song early this week and knew God was speaking to me.  He Said by Group1Crew.  Listen to it if you have a chance. 

I think I can. I think I can.  I think I can.  I know I can…..

Mom update 2-20-12

We went to see Mom today.  They are working her out pretty good on the Rehab floor. She is getting stronger! If all goes as planned they will let her come home Wednesday.  I know she is so ready! 

The only major hiccup right now is they are not able to get her Sandostatin shot from the drug manufacturer.  This is her shot that she gets every three weeks that reduces the side effects of  the carcinoid cancer.  They are on back order and the company is not releasing when/if they will be available.   Right now she is getting a short acting dose three times a day.  They said she may have to do these and give them to herself.  These shots hurt and she is less than thrilled about this. 

Sorry for the less frequent blog posts.  I am really trying to stick to my new years resolution and spend less time on the computer!  I have recently moved my laptop into my “new” office (need to blog about this) and I find it less tempting to sit on the couch and be on the computer.   I go to bed much earlier and feel much more rested.  I am sure this makes for a happier Mommy!  :-)

Mom Update 2-15-12

Hayden and I went to see Mom today.  They moved her up to the rehab floor of the hospital last night.  They are working with her 3 hours a day.  Just trying to get her strength back.  She got to take a real shower (I think she felt like a new woman!) and did some exercising in the gym this morning.  They are still having a really hard time relieving the edema.  She is still quite swollen.  Another new doctor came in today. I do think he kind of  had an understanding of carcinoid cancer and carcinoid heart disease.  Carcinoid cancer is so different and effects so many different things.  They had taken her IV out, but he had them put one back in to start her on a couple of different diuretics.  Bless her heart.  Mom is such a hard stick.  They tried 3 different times to get her IV back in before they got it in this time.  She was just cringing and in tears. :-( 

She is still having quite a few flushing episodes too.  They have started giving her a short acting dose of her Sandostatin three times a day.  Hopefully, this will start helping! 

I guess we will see how things go the next couple of days.  I think she will probably be in there until atleast Monday. 

If you missed my earlier post today on Hayden doing donuts, go here. 

Mom Update 2-11-12

We went to see Mom yesterday.  She looked better and seemed to feel better. 

We went to see her today and she didn’t seem to feel as good or look as good.  She had a couple of  flushing episodes or went into Carcinoid Crisis as they call it.  Basically she turns really red, gets really weak, and starts to sweat really bad.  It is past time for her Sandostatin shot which helps to prevent these episodes.

If you ever want to read up on Carcinoid Cancer, I found this tonight and it explains a lot of what Mom experiences.

They are talking about moving her up to a different floor Monday to begin rehab.  Occupational and Physical therapy will work with her about 3 hours a day up there.  I think this will help her get much stronger and able to do more at home.  She just seems so weak right now. 

It has been a little frustrating this week because she has seen a new doctor almost every day.  Her case is so complex, it is quite hard for a new doctor to fully understand her situation and in my opinion give her the best care.  I guess we will see what happens this next week.

Please continue to pray for her.  

**We are making progress.  Hayden did get up in bed with her today and gave her a hug.  :-)

Mom Update 2-9-12

We went to see Mom yesterday for her birthday.  She had lost about 10 lbs since Monday.   So, that is good news!  Not sure she was feeling much better, but said she is feeling better today.  She also was moved out of ICU and back  into a regular room yesterday as well.  They changed her off of her Bumex drip to a Bumex push (straight into her iv) so this is why she was able to move out of ICU.  I know she is probably about done being there, but I haven’t heard her complain. 

Robin brought her some pretty flowers and Aunt Kathy and Granddaddy sent her some pretty flowers too.  So, her room was pretty cheery!  I stopped at Costco and got a yummy Red Velvet cake for us to enjoy.  Hayden was so excited about eating birthday cake! 

Aunt Mary Helen and Cindy have been to visit her the last couple of days.  Thank ya’ll so much!  I know she loved having you visit! 

Hayden really hasn’t wanted much to do with Mom when we go visit.  He wants to go see her, but really won’t get too close.  He even said “Don’t like her.” when we were leaving one day.  So sad.  :-(  He loves his Nanny, but he doesn’t understand why she has all those wires and things making noise around her. 

Hope she gets to come home soon!  We love you Mom!

Happy Birthday Mom!

Happy Birthday Mom!  Mom turns 64 today!  I wish she didn’t have to spend her special day in the hospital, but we are going to try to make it special! 

She had to receive two pints of blood yesterday due to her anemia.  They also changed her diuretic again Monday to a drip of Bumex.  Which, Bumex is what Mom was hoping/thinking they would use in the first place.  They were going to do that until today and re-evaluate.  She really wasn’t loosing much fluid.  But, didn’t seem to be gaining either.  They had discussed actually going in and removing the fluid through a tube, but hopefully they won’t have to do that.  She has had that done a couple of times before. 

Her family doctor, Dr. Madsen, finally got involved Monday too.  She is probably the only one there that truly understands her the whole picture with all that is going on with Mom.  I am sure it is overwhelming for a new doctor to come in and get a complete grasp on all that is and has gone on. 

Hope to have more news to share tonight!

Super Bowl Sunday and a Mom Update

After Sunday afternoon naps (these are the best!), we headed to Greenville for a quick visit to see Mom (and Dad).  They moved Mom to ICU this afternoon.  The medicine injections they were using to try to get the fluid off weren’t working like they were hoping.  So, they put her on a different medicine (an IV drip) and had to move her to ICU to do so.    Praying this starts working better for her!  I am really glad that she is somewhat close to home though.  We can make quick trips up there to see her, and Dad can come home at night! 

After visiting the hospital, we ran to Lowes to pick up a few things including everything we needed to make something similar to this pegboard below.  I have wanted to do this project for a long time and I am so excited about.  A lot of my necklaces are still in a box from when the house burned!  Can’t wait to get organized! 

We came straight home to make our snacks for our family Super Bowl party!

Hayden had a waffle and yogurt for dinner.  But, Jeff and I made these baked “fried” pickles and buffalo chicken dip.  The pickles were good. 

But the buffalo chicken dip. 

Oh my word!  IT.WAS.AMAZING!  Jeff’s description after his first bite was “HOMERUN”!!  {Probably should have been touchdown, but hey, I will take homerun.}  We both loved it!  I ate mine with celery.  Jeff ate his with Fritos.  Both were delicious! 

I combined a couple of recipes I had seen to make my own buffalo chicken dip.  These measurements are approximate.  I don’t measure stuff.  ;-)

Buffalo Chicken Dip

· 8oz package of Cream Cheese (I used lowfat)

· 3/4 cup of blue cheese dressing (I used Marie’s found in the refrigerated section of the grocery store by the veggies.)

· 3/4 cup of Ranch Dressing (I used Hidden Valley.)

· 1 cup of your favorite wing sauce (I used Moore’s. We like Franks too.)

· 1 cup of shredded cheddar cheese

· 1 cup of shredded mozzarella cheese

· 2 cups of shredded chicken (I used a rotisserie. You can use canned.)

Stir it all together! Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Enjoy with your choice of chip, cracker, or vegetable! Simply DELICOUS!!!

What was your favorite Super Bowl snack??  Isn’t that what the Super Bowl is all about?  FOOD?

Our Saturday

This little boy has a rough life.

Can you tell?

This morning we got up early and headed out to Good Samaritans.  Got Hayden a few little cars and trains.  Just what we needed.  Ha!  Oh well, we spent $1. 

Then, we went up to see Mom at the hospital.  She napped most of the time we were there. Don’t think she got much rest last night.  The medicine seems to be working, getting some of the fluid off. 

Made a quick trip to the grocery store and home for lunch.  Then, we were off to Kaden’s birthday party!  Hayden was so excited and kept singing the Happy Birthday song.  He kept saying, “See Kaden’s birthday cake!”  He knows what is important at birthday parties.  Ha!

Here is the cake.  Isn’t it awesome?  Kelly’s mom made it! 

The Birthday Boy with his Momma and Daddy!

Kaden got these special garden tools and he was in love!  He is quite the digger! 

 

The kids had a great time playing outside.  Luckily it warmed up a bit so they could enjoy it!

Hayden’s a FIREMAN! 

Kaden got a new swing set for his birthday!  Lance was still working on getting it all put together!  The kids were enjoying the slide though!

Hayden had so much fun and didn’t want to leave! 

Jeff cooked us some buffalo wings and fries for dinner.  Yum!  Hayden went to bed early since it was a no-nap day!  I think this Momma is going to bed early too! 

Have big plans for the Super Bowl?  We do…a nice quiet evening at home!  ;-)

Lickin’ the spoon! And, a Mom update!

In an effort to eat better, I have been scouring Pinterest to find some new recipes.  Well, you can’t eat green leaves every meal of the day.  There has to be room for some dessert!  I found this “Healthy” Butterfinger Pie recipe several weeks ago and we made it and loved it!  I decided it was time to make it again today.  I didn’t have a Butterfinger, but I had some Heath Bar chips.  The original recipe says to use graham crackers, but I use a reduced fat graham cracker crust.  YUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a precious helper today too! 

Who has a yucky runny nose and cough!  I hate it when he has a bad cough.  Not much you can do about it.  :-( 

Jeff finished his month long school and went back to his usual schedule this week.  Hayden has had a little bit of a hard time adjusting.  He doesn’t understand why we can’t go wake Daddy up so we can play!  :-(  I think he and Jeff were both in tears Thursday morning when Jeff got home from work and Hayden wanted to play!  It was so sad!  I am sure we will get back in the swing of things soon! 

In other news, Hayden has mastered potty training like a pro!  Seriously easy!  The first week, not so fun.  After that,  AWESOME!  Now, we are on to learning how to aim.  I just assume he sit.  Ha!  He thinks he is big and wants to learn to stand.  This ain’t fun friends!  Just sayin’.  Today it was all over me and everywhere else it could go.  Goodness me, if we can get this one down, we will be doing all the good! 

________________________________________________________________________

Mom was admitted into the hospital today.  She went to see her heart doctor earlier in the week and he really wanted to admit her then because of her fluid retention.  She had cataract surgery yesterday or he would have.  She has been trying to get the second cataract surgery done for a while, but couldn’t because of low platelet counts.  They took her off her oral chemo medicine so she could try to get her platelet counts back up.  

She went this afternoon late to be admitted.  Taking the fluid pills at home is not really cutting it.  She is absolutely worn out after taking them and they are only getting  a few pounds off at a time.  She has about 30 pounds of fluid to loose and I hope they can get it off quickly!  Her doctor told her they were going to make a prune out of her!  Ha!  I just want her to feel better and be able to BREATHE!! 

Please continue to pray for her.  She is in Greenville.  I will keep you posted!

Las Vegas Days 1, 2, and 3.

On Wednesday morning, Mom, Hayden, and I embarked on our journey to Vegas!  It is always fun traveling with a toddler!  Not because Hayden is a challenge, but carrying your luggage, carseat, stroller, backpack, diaper bag, and a 34 pound toddler is a lot fun!  ;-)  Hayden was GREAT!  I couldn’t have asked for a better travel partner.   Mom made it good.  Just a little tired after traveling.  I think we all were ready for a nap!  

We flew right over the Grand Canyon.

And, the Hoover Dam area.

After we got here, we pretty much just relaxed for the rest of the afternoon and evening.  Hayden discovered Aunt Kathy’s bird bath.

And lots of geckos.

Thursday afternoon we went to a really cool nature park. 

There were tons of geese, ducks, pigeons and other various birds around.  Looking for a hand out of course! 

They had an awesome fossil discovery area.

You can bring  your sand buckets and dig for fossils.

They had this awesome play area too.

Another area of the park.

Check out these birds with the “hair pieces”.  I don’t think I have ever seen anything like this on a duck.

Last night (Friday), we went down to the famous Freemont Street Experience and enjoyed the light show and watched some bands play.  They were having Oktober Fest so some of the happenings were a little “out there”.  I have to admit, I am glad Hayden wasn’t older and that he couldn’t fully understand his surroundings.  :-)

Watching the light show…

The light show covers a long strip of casinos and it is set to music.  It is really cool! 

Hayden really wanted to see Mickey and Minnie. Until we got close to them.

Sisters!

Us!