I have had a bad case of the I don’t want to’s lately. I am having a hard time getting motivated. I don’t know what my problem is. I have got to get over myself and get going! I mean, I am really not just sitting around doing nothing, watching tv, and eating bon bons, but I just feel like I can’t keep up! I think I just go in circles all day! From the outside looking in, I probably look like I am keeping it all together pretty good. But the truth is, I feel like I am drowning inside.
I miss my Momma so much. I have the hardest time at night when the house is quiet, Jeff and Hayden have gone to bed, and I have a little time to think. It doesn’t seem real yet. I don’t know why. I haven’t talked to her in almost a month. It should seem real.
I feel so much guilt. Life has been so crazy and I feel like I am missing my family. I have had to play catch up for the last 2-3 weeks and it has taken away from my family time and the things that really matter the most. I really feel like I have not been a very good mommy and wife lately.
I feel so much guilt that I have about 100 thank you notes to write and I have yet to write one. I want people to know how much we appreciate all they did for us while Mom was sick and after she passed away. I must get those done this week!
I feel so much guilt that Jeff came home today after working 13 hours with little sleep the night before and folded all our laundry and cleaned our kitchen because I hadn’t gotten it done. Of course, he didn’t mind, but my guilt was through the roof!
I don’t think I have blogged about it, but I started a new position as the director at the preschool at my church on June 25th. Mom went into the hospital on July 6th. I have had to hire 5 new staff members and get ready for a new school year. It has been so much fun and I am so excited about what is to come. But, it kind of just adds to my plate that was/is a little full already.
Of course, I am still a Thirty-One director…which I love! But, this summer my team has exploded and I feel like I am not being the Director I should and could be for them. My personal Thirty-One business has definitely suffered this summer, but hopefully things will calm down and I can get going with it again.
On another note, Dad noticed that his long time friend Jack had not called him on his birthday a week ago today. This was unusual. Dad is about the only person he has around. So, Dad went to check on him on Monday morning. He found that he had had a stroke and had him carried by ambulance to the hospital. He has been there since. Dad has spent most of his days at the hospital with him or taking care of Jack’s personal business. I know Daddy is so worn out, but he just keeps on going!
I am not real sure where I am going with this post. I am not really one to complain, share my internal struggles, or let people see my weaknesses. But, I guess I can ask for you to please continue to pray for us!
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
3 comments:
Oh friend! I hate this for you. First thing to mark off your list those thank you cards. NO ONE CARES! They didn't do anything for your sweet family and expect to receive a card. I found a stack of thank you notes in the closet last week from after Hudson was born that I never finished/mailed. If one was to you please forgive me and thanks :)
Let's talk tomorrow :)
I am so sorry you are having a rough time!! I can't even begin to imagine!! Saying a prayer for you right now!!! Love you lots and can't wait till Wednesday!!!! :) :)
These times in life are the times when we absolutely must call out to the Lord and lean on Jesus, who win never leave us or forsake us during our hardest times in life. Crank up that Christian music girl on your radio and let the lord lift your heart up, it always works for me. I love XM radio station THE MESSAGE. I've already told you my thoughts on the thank you's, no one expects one, just like Jennifer said. Every person who helped, called, cared or sent you something for your Momma is because they love you and that's it. I know you are like me though, we were taught to always write thank you's and we feel bad until we do, but don't let it guilt you this time.
On another note, GUILT is my middle name! I wish I knew a CURE for it! The only solution I've come up with is to STOP IT! I know our hubby's work hard, but we work just as hard, and we really shouldn't feel bad when they have to keep the kids or clean around the house or cook or do laundry or what ever. I just have to make myself get over that.
Love you friend, praying for clarity for you so you can re focus and feel more on track.
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