Momma, My Hero

I had no idea what to title this post. I have so many emotions.   Heart broken, relieved, confused, sad, happy.  I could go on and on.  No matter how I feel, I know my precious Momma is celebrating in Heaven knowing that she is no longer fighting, but has instead won her battle. 

My beautiful Momma passed away on Tuesday, July 24th about 4:50 PM.  I have never experienced anything more painful as I did that day.  From the moment I walked into her room around 11:30 that morning, I knew that was going to be the day.  She had told us and her doctors that she was tired, really tired, the day before.  If you knew my momma, you know that wasn’t really something she said.  She never really complained.  She was a fighter to the very end.  She had continued to put on more fluid each day.  The right side of her heart was not functioning properly, therefore effecting her kidneys.  By Tuesday, she was up about 60 pounds from her normal weight.  She was very congested Tuesday and the sound she made when she was breathing  is something I never want to hear again.  She was placed on morphine on Tuesday afternoon to keep her from struggling (or knowing she was struggling) to breathe.  In the last hour, I have to be honest,  I couldn’t wait for it to be over.  To see your Momma like that.  There just are not many words to describe it. 

I am so thankful that we could all be there in her final moments.   Although, Robin did miss her by about 15 minutes.  But, I am thinking it was for the best.  The good Lord was not ready for her a few weeks ago when she coded.  It gave us all time to say our goodbyes.  For her to love on her grandbabies.  For her to visit with her best friends.  For her to share some of her final thoughts.  For her to witness her Daddy’s funeral by Skype.  There are many blessing that came in the last two weeks.

She had a beautiful service on Friday.  It was perfect.   The scripture was perfect.  Songs were perfect.  Flowers were abundant and beautiful.  A special slide show Bubba made that was full of precious memories.  So many wonderful family and friends there to celebrate her life.  Thank you to all of you who were able to be there with us. 

Sunday was a hard day for me.  Being back in church where her funeral was held brought back a flood of emotions.  Today, I caught myself grabbing my cell phone to call her.  Just to chat.  Subconsciously I guess.  Just a habit to talk to her every day.   She was one my very best friends and my biggest cheerleader.  I know it is going to take time.  A lot of time.