Momma, My Hero

I had no idea what to title this post. I have so many emotions.   Heart broken, relieved, confused, sad, happy.  I could go on and on.  No matter how I feel, I know my precious Momma is celebrating in Heaven knowing that she is no longer fighting, but has instead won her battle. 

My beautiful Momma passed away on Tuesday, July 24th about 4:50 PM.  I have never experienced anything more painful as I did that day.  From the moment I walked into her room around 11:30 that morning, I knew that was going to be the day.  She had told us and her doctors that she was tired, really tired, the day before.  If you knew my momma, you know that wasn’t really something she said.  She never really complained.  She was a fighter to the very end.  She had continued to put on more fluid each day.  The right side of her heart was not functioning properly, therefore effecting her kidneys.  By Tuesday, she was up about 60 pounds from her normal weight.  She was very congested Tuesday and the sound she made when she was breathing  is something I never want to hear again.  She was placed on morphine on Tuesday afternoon to keep her from struggling (or knowing she was struggling) to breathe.  In the last hour, I have to be honest,  I couldn’t wait for it to be over.  To see your Momma like that.  There just are not many words to describe it. 

I am so thankful that we could all be there in her final moments.   Although, Robin did miss her by about 15 minutes.  But, I am thinking it was for the best.  The good Lord was not ready for her a few weeks ago when she coded.  It gave us all time to say our goodbyes.  For her to love on her grandbabies.  For her to visit with her best friends.  For her to share some of her final thoughts.  For her to witness her Daddy’s funeral by Skype.  There are many blessing that came in the last two weeks.

She had a beautiful service on Friday.  It was perfect.   The scripture was perfect.  Songs were perfect.  Flowers were abundant and beautiful.  A special slide show Bubba made that was full of precious memories.  So many wonderful family and friends there to celebrate her life.  Thank you to all of you who were able to be there with us. 

Sunday was a hard day for me.  Being back in church where her funeral was held brought back a flood of emotions.  Today, I caught myself grabbing my cell phone to call her.  Just to chat.  Subconsciously I guess.  Just a habit to talk to her every day.   She was one my very best friends and my biggest cheerleader.  I know it is going to take time.  A lot of time. 

The last week. Reliving the details. (Mom Update 7-14-12)

The last week has been HELL.  I don’t know how else to describe it.  I know it could be a lot worse, but it has been a pretty rough week.  I think it is all hitting me now.  I have tried pretty hard to keep it all together.  Emotionally and physically.  We have had to have a lot of serious conversations this week.   There have been so many people praying for our family and I know God has had his hands wrapped around us this week. 

So, I thought I would just give a recap of the last week.  Just in case you want to know how we got to where we are today. 

Over the last few weeks, Mom’s condition seemed to be worsening.  Her edema was BAD.  She had put on about 20 pounds.  She was having a hard time getting around and was spending her entire days in the bed.  She was so weak.  She had pretty much quit taking medicine and had quite the foggy brain.  Last Thursday, she fell twice.  Once in the bathroom hitting her head on the corner of the wall by the shower in the extra bathroom.  And the other in her bedroom behind her bedroom door making it very difficult for anyone to get in there to her.  The second time was in the middle of the night and I am not sure how long she was there before Robin discovered her.  I think she might have broken her toe this time.  It definitely looks broken.   I am so thankful she hasn’t broken something a lot worse!

Friday morning we decided she needed to go to the hospital.  So, we called the ambulance to come and transport her to Greenville.  Friday was spent getting her through the ER, started on IV diuretics, and into an “observation” room as they called it.  Dad came home that evening thinking she was doing ok.  Well, about 1:00 AM that night (Saturday morning), he got a phone call from the hospital stating that Mom had taken a turn for the worse and he probably needed to come up there.  Robin and I followed suit.  When we got there they shared that Mom had “coded” and they had to do a lot of suction, medicines, and intubation to get her back.  They actually think she aspirated which led to the code.  Her kidneys had pretty much shut down at that point as well.  Even with the diuretics, she was not producing urine.  So, when we spoke with the doctors/nurses, they were pretty grim with not a lot of hope.  

When we got into ICU to see her, she was fighting the tube but they quickly sedated her and she slept for most of the next two days.  Her blood pressure was low, heart rate was low, and she was not breathing any on her own.  We were pretty scared.  But, her kidneys seemed to kick back into gear and start working some. 

Also, on Friday my aunt had my granddaddy (who lived in Las Vegas) transported to the hospital.  He was persistent to go ahead and attend a ball game the night before but woke up Friday morning not being able to move.  He was not feeling real well the days before that.  Anyway, they ended up treating him for a heat stroke/dehydration on Friday and sending him home that evening.  Saturday morning he was not doing well and not keeping anything down, so she had the ambulance take him back to the hospital.  (Same day Mom coded.)

Also, on Saturday, Jeff and I were returning from lunch to go back to the hospital to see Mom when Jeff’s mom called (who had Hayden) saying that Jeff’s daddy was being transported to the hospital because he passed out.  Jeff drove to Tyler to be with his Daddy.  Later we figure out Don had a “life threatening” irregular heartbeat and ended up having a pacemaker put in on Monday.  Praise the Lord he is doing better!

Granddaddy continues to worsen Sunday and Monday and is becoming quite swollen and possibly over-hydrated.  He was having delirious thoughts, breathing became strange, and just wasn’t with it. 

Monday, Mom’s life support tube was removed and we weren’t real positive what the outcome was going to be.   We were trying to prepare ourselves for the worst but praying for the best.  Her stats continued to stay low all day.  Blood pressure, heart rate, and MAP (kidney functions directly related to blood pressure).  But, she was breathing well on her own and starting to talk to us and wanting to know what happened to her.  She asked several times what happened to her and we continued to tell her throughout that day.  She doesn’t remember anything from several days before.

That night, we got the call from Aunt Kathy that my Granddaddy (Mom’s Dad) had taken his last breaths.  So hard.  But, thankfully, he went quickly and without pain.  

Tuesday, Don came home from the hospital, Mom continued to improve, and Aunt Kathy was working on getting Granddaddy back to Texas.  We did not share the news about Granddaddy with Mom at this point. 

Aunt Kathy got in during the wee hours Wednesday morning and then came to the hospital and that is when we shared the news about Granddaddy with Mom.   It was hard but Mom did as well as could be expected.  Or, maybe even better.  She had a lot to take in that day.  She had to make her own DNR decisions now that she was aware of what was going on and take in the news of loosing her Daddy.   She was moved out of ICU into a room on the telemetry floor so they could continue to monitor her closely. 

Wednesday afternoon, Aunt Kathy, Bubba, and I went to Ft. Worth to finalize the arrangements for Granddaddy.

Thursday, Mom had a pretty good day.  This might have been her best day yet.  Friday, her swelling started getting worse again and remains that way today.  They are riding on a fine line trying to keep her kidneys and heart functioning with the diuretic medicines they are giving her.  But, her Creatinine levels are starting to go back up (3.0 this AM) which means her kidneys are not functioning like they should.  They told us that if her blood pressure stayed low then her kidneys would start to loose function (related to that MAP number I was telling you about earlier).  But her BP has actually been higher the last few days.  

The doctor told her a couple of days ago that if she could walk a few steps that he would give her a furlough and allow her to attend Granddaddy’s funeral on Monday.  But, today the doctor came in and said that at this point, she would not be able to go.  This BREAKS. MY. HEART.  We are trying to figure out a way to Skype if we can. 

Granddaddy’s visitation is tomorrow. (Mine and Jeff’s birthday). Then, his funeral is at 11:30 Monday and his burial will be at 2:30 at the DFW National Cemetery.

Thankfully, Jeff has an understanding job and was able to take off  of work to be with his family, my family, and Hayden throughout this week. 

I of course want to ask you to pray.  But, where do I begin when asking you to pray?  I feel so selfish asking for so many prayers.  Pray for peace.  Pray for comfort.  Pray for strength.  Pray for mom’s swelling to go down.  Pray for her emotions through the next few days as she is not able to attend the funeral.  Pray for the doctors.  Pray for safe travel.  I don’t know.  Just pray for our family as we continue to stay strong for Mom.  Pray for God’s will to be done in all things…

I heard this song early this week and knew God was speaking to me.  He Said by Group1Crew.  Listen to it if you have a chance. 

I think I can. I think I can.  I think I can.  I know I can…..

Lately…

What have we been up to?

Wearing daddy’s shoes.  maybe it gives him a little extra push?

Picking, Shucking, and Putting Up corn!

Cute huh?  Well, I have to be honest.  Jeff pretty much did it all.  The picking, shucking, and putting the corn up to freeze. 

There were a ton of ground hornets when we were picking the veggies.  And although they didn’t bother us, my anxiety was out of control.  Hundreds of huge hornets flying around really isn’t my thing.  I did suck it up and pick a few ears of corn and some peas.  that was about all I was good for.  Ha!

Picking, Shelling and putting up peas.

Jeff’s daddy has this awesome pea sheller.  Anyone have fond memories of sitting around the living room shelling peas?

hanging out with our friends as much as possible.  Jen, landree, and hudson leave this week.  makes us sad but we are so thankful for the days we have gotten to spend together.  mostly just playing at home (and maybe doing a little refereeing too!)

do ya’ll see this?  Hayden is actually smiling for pictures!

Lots of swimming! 

We went last week to Splash kingdom in Canton with a few of our friends {shauna, jen, landree, hudson, amy, hudson and hayson}.  we had the best time and I hope we get to go back again soon!  I really think Hayden turned a new leaf.  he was swimming around like a little fish and diving into the water.  in the shallow of course, but I was pretty proud of him.  making progress!  it was fun to see aunt robin there too while she was working!

on Saturday, Hayden and I headed to a thirty-one director’s bbq at my senior executive director’s (highest level of leadership in thirty-one) home.  we had such a great time!

me and heidi

Taking a Bath With Friends!  I gave both boys a hair cut and they needed a bath to get all the hair off.  Landree couldn’t miss out on all the fun in the big bathtub!

 

Eating juicy watermelon

lifting weights.  we mean business around here.

Hosting celebrate and connect meetings at my house with my thirty-one girls!

And…I went back to work last week.  I accepted the position as the sonbeam dayschool director at our church.  it is a preschool program that is held all day two days a week.  it has been an adjustment, but one that I know will be so rewarding!  I am excited about the challenge and what is to come!