I have had a bad case of the I don’t want to’s lately. I am having a hard time getting motivated. I don’t know what my problem is. I have got to get over myself and get going! I mean, I am really not just sitting around doing nothing, watching tv, and eating bon bons, but I just feel like I can’t keep up! I think I just go in circles all day! From the outside looking in, I probably look like I am keeping it all together pretty good. But the truth is, I feel like I am drowning inside.
I miss my Momma so much. I have the hardest time at night when the house is quiet, Jeff and Hayden have gone to bed, and I have a little time to think. It doesn’t seem real yet. I don’t know why. I haven’t talked to her in almost a month. It should seem real.
I feel so much guilt. Life has been so crazy and I feel like I am missing my family. I have had to play catch up for the last 2-3 weeks and it has taken away from my family time and the things that really matter the most. I really feel like I have not been a very good mommy and wife lately.
I feel so much guilt that I have about 100 thank you notes to write and I have yet to write one. I want people to know how much we appreciate all they did for us while Mom was sick and after she passed away. I must get those done this week!
I feel so much guilt that Jeff came home today after working 13 hours with little sleep the night before and folded all our laundry and cleaned our kitchen because I hadn’t gotten it done. Of course, he didn’t mind, but my guilt was through the roof!
I don’t think I have blogged about it, but I started a new position as the director at the preschool at my church on June 25th. Mom went into the hospital on July 6th. I have had to hire 5 new staff members and get ready for a new school year. It has been so much fun and I am so excited about what is to come. But, it kind of just adds to my plate that was/is a little full already.
Of course, I am still a Thirty-One director…which I love! But, this summer my team has exploded and I feel like I am not being the Director I should and could be for them. My personal Thirty-One business has definitely suffered this summer, but hopefully things will calm down and I can get going with it again.
On another note, Dad noticed that his long time friend Jack had not called him on his birthday a week ago today. This was unusual. Dad is about the only person he has around. So, Dad went to check on him on Monday morning. He found that he had had a stroke and had him carried by ambulance to the hospital. He has been there since. Dad has spent most of his days at the hospital with him or taking care of Jack’s personal business. I know Daddy is so worn out, but he just keeps on going!
I am not real sure where I am going with this post. I am not really one to complain, share my internal struggles, or let people see my weaknesses. But, I guess I can ask for you to please continue to pray for us!
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
